Embracing Incompatibility Issue
I have come across a dueling proverb from reading a certain book some time ago. It reads that two heads are better than one but two is a crowd. While thinking about something perfect to post for Valentine’s day, incompatibility issue between couple struck me the most. And that’s what brought me to remember of the proverb.
By human innate man and woman are two very different individuals. And in this case it is comprehendible that character differences are always present in most couples. But it is not advisable for couples especially married ones to decide for divorce for reason that they are incompatible. Prior to that they have vowed and agreed in union with God to be together, so they must live by and embrace incompatibilities with all their hearts.
In my marriage I have encountered thousands of fights and misunderstandings because of being incompatible with my husband. But I hanged on and found some remedy for this threat in a relationship. Let me share to you some of it.
This is a picture of a couple dealing with character differences or incompatibilities.
It is a fact that incompatibility issue is always present in every love relationship. Even in the onset of a married life, it is expected despite of a successful dating. That’s because during the stage of dating most couples failed to consider the weaknesses of their becoming better half. It maybe that they are blinded by endearments so sweet that it could rotten some teeth. Or perhaps because of subtle changes that took place unexpectedly or merely a frail heart to accept reality.
That’s why as a parent and married for almost ten years, I suggest that parents with teenagers at their stage of dating must be told about the reality and difference between them (lovers) being apart from each other and the moment when they tie the knots to be in one roof together. I convey this because of the fact that I, for one was failed to be told by my parents about the A-Zs of dating and marriage.
I’m not resentful of my parents tho for being so “despicable” during my teenage years. I understand I’m their only daughter and that being so overly protective is expected from them. Nevertheless, I am so thankful because even if they have failed to do so at least I have gained my knowledge about marriage through my own experiences. Mind you experience is the greatest teacher of all. And it was, indeed!
In this post I will not reveal my love story with the man of my life since, it might sound boring. And for reason that I reserved the revelation on the very special day of my church wedding. My dream wedding. Instead, I’m going to share with you some important points and insights to consider for marriage to work out through the test of time. My 9 years is quite an experience tho, admittedly it’s far from being perfect.
The first thing I learned and considered as my self-discovery is Acceptance. And that’s the hardest thing ever in my life due to the fact that I only dated my husband, Richard, for only one month and then I surprisingly got pregnant. For me, even a year is not enough to really be well acquainted with your husband-to-be. But I accepted the challenge when Richard suggested that ours is going to be a backward process. It seems for me that it’s going to be a hell of a roller coaster ride but I trusted him. And so I took the 1 way ticket to the blues.
Next is TRUST. It is very essential because if without it you’ll be like heading on crossroads and indecisive to where your track will lead to. At first, I never trusted my husband for his being so irresponsible at times but then I just have to trust in my self and to God that everything will work out fine for both of us.
By then that I already learned about acceptance and confided my trust to my husband, I thought that was it. But just so I know they were just the simplest foundation for a perfect marriage. There is still this thing called ADJUSTMENT that plays a vital role.
I accepted all the facts about my husband, his strengths and shortcomings and even all odds about him. Along with that, I considered his lifestyle which was 100% opposite with mine. He is an extrovert type of personality and I am the counterpart. Our first to third years of marriage were full of ups and downs. But we got the hang of it.
Marriage is a lifetime adjustment as what my Aunt told me and admittedly up to now we are still adjusting but with only slight misunderstandings. And it’s healthy, especially if you add a bit of jealousy and you must know the rules for this. You simply must know your limits,but I still include that advise in order to put the romance level to some thrill. 🙂
Last but not the least, is a lesson I learned from the seminar that we attended prior to our civil wedding way back 2008 (We started as live-in partners on 2004). We decided to make it as our guiding principle or our slogan “Live within your means” while it’s the reality and the true reason why most couple didn’t last long. It’s because of money matters and that’s so hard to deal with.
My secret for enduring such lifestyle was I kept down with my wants and prioritize the needs. Being back to the basics. It’s like exasperating at first but I got it over with. Congrats!
Above all these things. My husband and I kept our FAITH in GOD. We never ceased in praying for constant guide and direction for our marriage. At present if we have difficulties, problems and issues we settle down and talk it over with God’s divine intervention. After all, it’s the will of God that we are still together. And by the way, AFTER ALL by Peter Cetera and Cher is our love story “soundtrack”.
So that’s all for now. I’m not sure if it is helpful to you my dear bloggerfriends. But just remember it’s only LOVE that conquers all animosities and adversities. To break even with incompatibility you must make your own rule. And my rule: “It ONLY takes TWO to Tango” because ONLY TWO persons can be made one and united in marriage. No more, no less.