Why kids hate their Moms?
Daily Prompt: The Satisfaction of a List
Who doesn’t love a list? So write one! Top five slices of pizza in your town, ten reasons disco will never die, the three secrets to happiness — go silly or go deep, just go list-y.
I guess that I’m not the only mommy in this whole-wide-world who had asked that same question. Why kids hate their moms? Could this be possible that at the very young age, children can already perceived the feeling of hatred or rebellion?
Well, based from my experience being a mom to an 8-year-old and 4-year-old boys, I can say that there are really times that my children became rebellious. And it was like the worst nightmare ever in my life.
I grew sick worried and had this question asked to myself, “Am I that mean Mom to my kids? Normally when things gone wrong with our lives, we seek advice from other people who have the same crisis that we had. I used to being like that before. I tend to forget that the solutions to my every problems just lie within myself.
Here, I made a list of points that I have pondered on. I really spend time deliberating to check/assess myself of my shortcomings as a mother and why my children started to show rebellion.
I made a self assessment and here are my guidelines. If you find this useful, you can apply it to your own kids. But I cannot guarantee you a perfect and surefire solution to the problem, since every child had varied personalities and attitudes. It’s really a matter of proper approach.
I ask my self this 5 questions:
1. Do I listen to my children?
This is the most important thing that as a mom, I failed to do. Sometimes I refused to listen to them, because I always feel that I am superior, I am the authority. The boss. The queen. I forgot I’m dealing with my kids and not subordinates.
The truth is, I am mommy. Their best friend. Their knight-in-shining armor. If I don’t listen to them, who else will? Chances are, they might imitate other kids being rebellious to their parents and their becoming more rebellious worsen.
Reminder: If my kids have something to say, I will have the heart to listen. And I have to make this effective immediately before it’s too late.
2. Do I set rules by my self’s favor ?
If yes, then expect a rebellious child. I myself, mostly set rules and the kids become surprised and aggravated that they don’t want to follow. This time around, I’m going to make rules with them and ask how they feel about it before implementing. Through this way they are less likely to rebel.
But I have to understand that children, young as they still are, always commit mistakes. More often than not, they violate some rules. This is because they are often confused and irritated. They still need our guidance. So instead of blaming and scolding them right away, I have to listen to them, because some of children’s mistake is due to some personal circumstance and definitely not out of rebellion.
Reminder: Don’t forget to explain to them that the way we discipline and set rules for them is not because we hate them, but because we love them.
3. Do I cherished and loved my children?
The best way to show love to our children is to spend more time with them. And not just quality time but real-time. Get involve and take part in their games and childish activities. Forget about other things and focus your attention to them.
Reminder: It is not our only goal as a parent, to be a rule maker, but also as a good friend to them. Let’s start treating them as our little darlings. I remember how my 4-year-old boy love it if I call him “my darling little baby”. That’s what I used to call him ever since and now that he’s a bit older already, how I love to see the sparkle in his eyes when I address him that way. 😉 It’s plain to see that there is no rebellion here, only pure love.
4. Am I overly protective to them?
Because we love our children so much, we dreaded so much to let them be on their own. As parent, we always have this notion that it is our main goal to protect our children. We could never forgive myself whatever bad will happen to them. This is how we always think, that’s why we became blinded by the fact that we are way out of the borderline.
Reminder: As we give our children their FREEDOM, we are also passing on to them the RESPONSIBILITY to be on their own. This is very essential when they grow up. And also through this way they will not become rebellious, but instead responsible.
5. Am I keep on comparing them with others?
I cannot deny it, that through the hurly-burly of child-rearing and their mess are very topsy-turvy, my patience always go out of the window. I cannot control my anger sometimes, which resulted to scolding my children in a harsh and resonating voice. I even came to the point that I compare my nuisance children to those well-behaved friends of theirs.
I fail to praise their accomplishments, especially when they are behind in the classroom’s ranking. I never resorted to see the bright side of them and the importance of their skills and developing ability.
Reminder: The more we compare our children to the other kids, the more they lose their self-confidence and self-esteem. On the other hand, praising them can make them feel good and develop positive deeds.
No child is ever perfect. Mommies, since we are the ones who are always on our children’s side, let’s bear in mind that CHILDREN OFTEN COMMIT MISTAKES. They might be hurt sometimes if we let them be on their own, but through this way they will learn something. Let’s face the fact that, we can’t always be by their side to protect them. So it’s best that as early as young age they will learn out from their own experience – living and learning to become responsible.
And the most quintessential of all, is not to neglect our duty to guide them properly throughout their learning and growing process. So they may treasure and cherish good and positive attitudes that will last their lifetime. And very rewarding to us mommies. 😉