How to Survive from a Breakup

Daily Prompt: Unexpected

by Cheri Lucas Rowlands on December 11, 2013

Unexpectedly, you lose your job. (Or a loved one. Or something or someone important to you.) What do you do next?

Today’s daily prompt caught up my attention. It’s not that I lose my job or someone very special in my life, it’s because I have known somebody so dear to me whom have a breakup with his girlfriend recently. I don’t wanna instruct him with the right thing to do or what ideal moves to make in order to reclaim or save the relationship, but I just hope that if ever he will be able to read this post he will learn something out from reading this. And be able to realize what to do next after this unexpected milestone of his life took event. Being into a romantic relationship and now experiencing a paramount loss is very overwhelming and not a very easy situation to surpass.

It’s true that breaking up with someone we love and value so much is really the hardest thing to do. But we also have to remind ourselves that nothing really lasts forever, there are even nights that stars would refuse to shine. After shedding out all the tears and after blaming oneself of the mistakes done on the relationship to end, one must also know how to gather up the broken pieces together and mend the aching heart that’s been torn apart.

After a break up one must know how to fall apart and stand up to survive. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but you don’t want to spend your life miserable over one thing or person, right? We are not alone in this world, and we have so many reasons to get up and move on. The dating stage is a cycle and it follows a simple pattern. From dating around to going steady and up to the worst scenario of breaking up. Even married couples had their share of the breakup syndrome.

breakup-1

When everything had been said and done, there’s really nothing more you can do about it but to accept the truth and learn to use it to your advantage instead of treating it as a disgrace or loss. Carry on your self-esteem with you, rather than acting and looking like your world has fallen apart. Below are some dignified ways on how to survive from a breakup.

1. Accept the fact and don’t be ashamed or afraid to feel sad and lonely. Feeling sad and lonely is a normal reaction during the period of grief or great loss. And absolutely there’s nothing wrong about feeling like crying for the rest of your life. Go ahead and cry hard as you like and this applies to both man and woman. At least, through crying you have naturally release from the stressful situations and have relieved from all the pressures. If possible make your weeping private.

2. Know the four stages of grief. Regardless of what kind of loss, a divorce, death or serious break up, people naturally undergo fixed stages after experiencing intense grief. It is very helpful to consider this kind of psychological response from a deep loss as what psychologists have discovered. First stage that will take event during the early period of breakup is the denial stage. This occurs when the concern party is unwilling to admit the tragic event or loss in the relationship. Followed by anger towards other who have cause the grief sometimes blaming God takes place. The third stage is anger towards oneself,blaming own self for what had happened to the relationship. The last and fourth stage is the so-called genuine grief. In this stage the grieved person arrives to the resolution phase which is largely characterized by immense crying and weeping. The impact of the loss will hit the person in full force and then eventually the grieved person will be able to deal with the grief and seek for ways to resolve it.

3. Avoid being trapped to any of the stage to prevent from depression. Being knowledgeable about the four phases of grief cannot guarantee you to avoid from the emotional turmoil, but as much as possible it can help you pass through the grieving stages more easily and quickly. Going through these stages is a normal reaction but always remember that it is unhelpful to focus longer in either of the four stages as it can lead to anxiety that can promote a more worst scenario ever.

4. Stop feeling unworthy. Just because your relationship has ended does not mean you are an undesirable person or not a worthy lover. Whatever the other person’s reason and explanation of the breakup, you must also try to understand what this person is going through. Resentment, anger and hurt are the normal first reaction, but if you are willing to understand it may even contribute to your future development and personal growth. Take the breakup as a challenge and don’t degrade yourself.

5. Give yourself a chance to hurt and heal. However you may feel, don’t seek immediately for a new relationship or resort to any drastic course of action like quitting your job, jumping off a cliff or getting too drunk. Remember, it’s not the end of the world and it does not only revolve in one person. You have a lot of reasons to live, you got friends and families whom you can seek for comfort and advice. You may feel very low than ever before but try to evaluate and look at how wonderful yourself is. Consider time to recuperate from the loss or grief because time is the greatest healer. By and by, you can adjust to the loss and it’s going to be the best time to get on with life.

6. Try to keep yourself busy. Learn how to leave the past behind and keep it locked there. Don’t hibernate. Join in group activities or sign up with a new hobby to keep your mind distracted from all your problems. You can even try in involving yourself in outreach programs and mingle with others in the organization. By doing this, you will be more inclined to forget about your own problems while thinking of others who have much bigger problems than you.

7. Pray about it. Talk to God and tell Him how you have been hurt and ask Him to mend your wounds and help you heal. Every time you remember about the grief of your loss, turn your thoughts to God. God is all-knowing and he knows about what happened to you and cares for you so much. He has a purpose why he had allowed some hurt to touch our lives. Everything God does, happens for a reason. And whatever reasons why hurt enters our life, we must put God above it all and trust Him through it all.

Learning how to survive from a breakup is very essential for one’s life. If you have never been through a broken romance, chances are very fat that you will experience it someday. It is important being equipped with the necessary things to cope up with this kind of relationship crisis. So the next time you happen to see your ex-lover incidentally, you’ll never be caught off guarded. You may want to feel the inevitable hurt engulf you, but you will be surprised that only a twinge of hurt comes and easily goes away. Then you’ll heave a big sigh of relief that you doesn’t feel the hurt anymore the way it used to. Finally, you have put yourself back together again and ready for the next big step which is moving on.

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